Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
