I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
