I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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