My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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