I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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