I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
