your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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