My sheets look like a crime scene.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
