dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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