So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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