sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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