no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
