pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
