Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize