So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
