If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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