I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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