Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
