if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
