You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
