He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
