That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
