I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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