3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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