I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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