Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
