i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize