Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
