Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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