maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize