she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
