You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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