he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You are the jesus of drinking
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
