ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
...so i touched it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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