You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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