She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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