You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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