glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
