Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
nutella sex= disaster
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So many bounce houses so little time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
