Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
