Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
