I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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