yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
