My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
