i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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