Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
