There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I love having hate sex.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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