lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
