so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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