He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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