Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
there is puke in my bra ... again
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
