I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize