I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
