I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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