Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
