What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
