I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
