using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
