Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
