Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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