they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
