the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
