ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
