Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize