and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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