i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
