Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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