also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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