How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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