You're my little dorito
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
