Small penises have feelings too.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
