my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
