remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
