I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
