just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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