Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
