I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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